This post is about how to flirt with your husband and the 25 forgotten ways to spark that fire again! But before we jump into the how of flirting, let’s elaborate on the why and what is actually behind flirting.
Flirting Is Where It All Begins
Like your marriage, flirting is how our relationship began. I was sitting in church, about six rows behind Andy and to the right. His family always sat in the same area every Sunday, so we did, too! Before the message began, the pastor always allowed for a moment for everyone to say “Hi” to those around them. And every Sunday, I waited for him to turn around and look at me. I would smile, and he would smile back. My hands began sweating, my cheeks flushed, and my stomach filled with butterflies.
I couldn’t focus on the message. And worship? Forget about it! We were standing during worship, so my eyes naturally locked onto Andy’s booty and his entire physique, for that matter. Did I mention I was only seventeen? My heart flutters just thinking about it. We never said one word to each other. But Sunday after Sunday for six months… YEP! Six months of eyeing each other, flirting with each other, and never saying a word.
How to Flirt With Your Husband and Why It’s So Important
By the time Andy and I spoke words to each other, it was instant chemistry. The power of flirtation cannot be ignored, not only at the beginning of love but, more importantly, after years into a relationship. In fact, when two people fall in love, it comes down to science. It is a cocktail of sorts; chemistry, genetics, and biology. But instead of focusing on flirtation and chemistry in new relationships, let’s apply the same cocktail to long-term relationships.
The Three Phases of Love
The first stage starts with lust, which is fun, flirtation, and excitement. Our bodies become active with two sex hormones at puberty—estrogen and testosterone. Our desire to reproduce suddenly consumes us.
The second stage of love is romantic attraction. At this point, you are madly in love; think fireworks, Romeo and Juliet, rose-tinted glasses, butterflies in the stomach love. This new love is all you can think about and talk about, much to the annoyance of everyone else.
The third stage of love is attachment. A dose of oxytocin, the love hormone, is released into the brain. It’s the glue that holds long-term relationships together. Whether it’s a marriage, mortgage, or having kids, you feel it in your bones that this new relationship will be forever.
How to Flirt With Your Husband: 25 Forgotten Ways
Now that we know why flirting is so essential, let’s jump into 25 ways we can recreate and rekindle the first three phases of love by flirting. We keep our love fresh and in sync when we create a flirtatious vibe within our marriage.
1. Listen to Your Man: One of the most significant parts of flirting is making your husband feel respected and heard.
2. Be Excited When Your Husband Gets Home From Work: I’ll be the first to admit when we’re both tired after a long day of work, it’s easy to get lazy and not show excitement. But something has helped me remember to greet my husband with joyful anticipation. I look at how my dogs react when my husband walks into the house after being gone. They jump up and run to him, with their tails wagging, and massive smiles plastered all over their faces. Their greeting makes you feel special and missed.
In addition, studies have shown that even small interactions with dogs cause the human brain to release oxytocin, the “cuddle chemical.” Oxytocin reduces stress and anxiety and increases feelings of relaxation, trust, and empathy.
3. Speak Well of Him in Front of Others: Giving your spouse compliments in front of friends, family, or colleagues can boost their mood. Especially in group settings, don’t hesitate to compliment your husband. This is when bragging is OK! Open praise or adoration shows your husband that you think he’s a great guy and want others to know it. He makes you proud, and he makes you proud to be his wife.
4. Flirt With Your Eyes: When you look at him, let him know that you’re interested in him by holding his gaze for a few seconds longer than usual. If he looks away first or blushes, he’s probably feeling it too!
5. Send Your Husband a Flirty Text: Texting your husband is such a simple and easy way to flirt, even on the craziest of days, and it can have a considerable impact. These texts don’t necessarily need to be naughty. They can be loving and tender, which says a lot about your love for him.
But they can be spicy, too! Make your husband’s day by sending him something he won’t forget. Sassy compliments and innuendos are always appreciated. You can create anticipation for an evening together by teasing what you plan to do. Don’t hesitate to be as naughty as you like in your text messages. No husband has ever complained about his wife’s suggestive or flirty text messages!
6. Flirt With Your Voice: I love to whisper in my husband’s ear. Make sure to emphasize certain words during a conversation, letting him know you have some naughty things on your mind!
7. Flirt With Your Husband by Holding Hands: Any chance you get, whether walking in the grocery store, the airport, or at a basketball game, grab your husband’s hand and lightly stroke the inside of his palm with your thumb. The tiniest touch, consistently over time, adds to beautiful chemistry.
8. Flirt With Your Husband by Slow Dancing in the Living Room: An impromptu slow dance followed by a soft kiss can be the most romantic, flirty gesture. Remember to add a few dirty dancing moves to the mix! Take some time to put together a few flirty playlists, including love songs or songs you and your spouse have enjoyed over the early years of your marriage. I love to include a few naughty songs, too. Play them on your Bluetooth speaker, and pull your husband toward you for a romantic dance.
9. Strip for Your Husband: This may not be for everyone, and that’s OK. But I will challenge you to get out of your comfort zone. Use the playlist we mentioned above and begin to remove your bra. You don’t even have to remove any clothing; removing undergarments will drive him crazy! But a little striptease is super powerful and will surprise him! Sway your hips from side to side and turn your back to him as you bend down to touch the floor—practice prior in front of the mirror.
If you’re like many of my clients, this will initially feel incredibly uncomfortable. However, my goal is for you to GROW in your confidence! Baby steps, my friend!
10. Write Short Love Letters on Sticky Notes: What happened to the good old days of exchanging love letters? Let’s bring them back, but simplify them! How about some flirty words for your partner? Put romantic messages on sticky notes and paste them where your partner will likely see them, but not where they expect them. Here’s your chance to express what’s been on your mind to your husband. Of course, making a trail of love notes is also fun!
11. Send a Selfie: According to the saying, a picture is worth a thousand words. The same can be said about selfies. Send one to your husband while he is at work. Furthermore, consider sending it while you are both in the same room. Your selfie can either show off your beautiful smile or a seductive appearance. I prefer to be silly in the selfies I send to my husband!
12. Laugh at Your Husband’s Jokes: When I think about how to flirt with my husband, I immediately remember how much my man loves when I delight in his jokes. Am I the only one with a husband in the “Dad Joke” era? He tries to enliven us with quips, and they’re rarely at the proper times. If I’m being honest, they’re so corny and sometimes annoying.
But I’ve learned to take notice, find the humor and appreciate his attempt to lighten the mood. And now, I intentionally laugh and show my joy in his silly jokes. It’s quite a game-changer. (I used to joke, if I’m not laughing at his jokes, I know some cute girl at work is!)
13. Rub His Legs or Feet Under the Table: Although this might sound like something teenagers do, it’s something you can still do with your husband. In addition, it can be even more fun if other people are around. Just make sure it’s your husband’s feet and legs that you are rubbing.
14. Flash Him: Because he has seen it all, you might think he is no longer interested in your body. But there is nothing like awakening his manly senses by flashing him occasionally. Keep this discreet, however. The last thing you want to do is get in trouble with the law. Furthermore, secrecy is one of the main attractions of flirting this way.
I’ll never forget wearing nothing but a trench coat and high boots to Andy’s work. While he was filling the last prescriptions, I made eye contact as I winked. Then, I waited patiently by his car while he closed the pharmacy. As he made his way to the car, I swung open my coat and watched his eyes widen and his jaw drop. Needless to say, we had a fun night!
15. Flirt With Your Husband by Giving Him a Gift: Regardless of whether his love language is receiving gifts, surprising your husband with a gift is a fun way to flirt. Furthermore, if you give your husband something personalized, it will be even more effective. It will make him feel loved and appreciated that you took the time to give him something special.
16. Role-play on Dates: One of our favorite ways to flirt is to role-play on dates. We started playfully pretending while out to dinner about three months into our courtship. It’s pretty silly when I think back because when we were still getting to know each other, we would act as if we were celebrating our 5th Anniversary. Strangers would tell us, “Congratulations on your anniversary!” And we just giggled and played along. Now that we’ve been married 27 years, we pretend we’re strangers out on our first date. You can put some rules into place; for example, keep your act running the entire time or until the entrées arrive.
It’s fun to brainstorm a list of questions to ask each other. “How long have you lived here?” “What’s your favorite thing to do for fun?” “What are you looking for in a partner?” If you’re feeling a bit naughty, you can surprise your “stranger” with a proposition to have dessert in the car. Either way, go with the flow and have fun. Role-playing is about enjoying each other’s company as if it’s the first time you’ve met.
17. Make Them Their Favorite Breakfast and Wake Them up With a Kiss: There is no denying that food can melt someone’s heart. So kiss your spouse on a Sunday morning and serve them a cup of hot coffee or tea along with their favorite breakfast. It might mean getting up earlier than usual and preparing breakfast, but it will be worth it when your spouse wakes up to a beautiful morning and smiles.
18. Make Out Unexpectedly With Your Husband: Take your husband by surprise and plant a long kiss on his lips. Try this when he walks into the house after work, or surprise him on a lunch break at work.
Kissing is one of the most beautiful behaviors to bring two people together. Sheril Kirshenbaum, an academic specialist at Michigan State University and author of The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us, tells us, “Each partner actively engages all of their senses to learn about the other.” “Kissing influences neurotransmitters and hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, which also play a significant role in our relationships,” Kirshenbaum says. Oxytocin, for example, is linked with feelings of closeness, intimacy, and security. Likewise, showing affection to people you love can boost oxytocin.
19. Compliment Your Husband: How to flirt with your husband can include complimenting him on something unexpected and to boost his ego for the rest of the day. For example, you can tell him how you feel when he holds you or when he kisses you on the cheek. If you’ve been following my blog, you know I have a saying, “Speak to the king, and you’ll get more king. Speak to the idiot, and you’ll get more idiot.” Complimenting your husband is speaking to the king, and the characteristics you point out and acknowledge will begin to repeat themselves.
20. Call Him and Say, “I Love You,” and Hang Up: Surprise your husband with an unexpected phone call to say, “I love you.” and hang up. You will catch him off guard and leave him with a smile.
21. Plan a Special Date: Being intentional about dating is essential when you’re married. Take it upon yourself to plan a special date night. You can do a progressive date where you begin with drinks at a bar, then move on to another venue for appetizers, a nice restaurant for entrées, and end at yet another place for dessert. Don’t worry if these establishments aren’t within walking distance; you can spend time flirting with your handsome date in the car. You can also hide gifts or do a small scavenger hunt to prepare your husband for the date.
Another cute idea is to have two note card options for him to choose from. You can set up four different stages, each with two options. For example, hold up two cards facing you, and he has to pick one. They could say, “Walk along the river” or “Go bowling.” Continue after that event and have him select from another set between two restaurants, etc. I love to have an option for eating, an activity, a place to shop (Goodwill, Target, etc.) with a small budget to purchase something for each other, and a place for desserts. (This is also a fun idea for dating your kids!)
22. Go Commando: When you whisper in his ear that you’re not wearing underwear, it will take him by surprise and spark his imagination. So allow him to explore and find out for himself. But keep him from exploring too far; he has to be patient for the full access pass! It will drive him crazy all day… in the best of ways!
23. Touch Your Husband While Driving in the Car: How to flirt with your husband includes driving in the car, sliding your hand over his, and interlacing your fingers. You can also place your hand on his thigh and give him a tight squeeze… If the kids are in the car, keep it discreet. Allow your hand to move slowly closer to his groin if you’re alone. Touch is potent and creates a beautiful bond between the two of you.
24. Make the Bed Together and Start a Pillow Fight: For some reason, we love making the bed together. It’s our sanctuary, and a made bed is a gift you can give each other. While making the bed, be flirtatious and start a pillow fight. Playful fighting and teasing always lightens up the mood and helps defuse tension. However, don’t engage if you’re ready to take your frustrations out. What starts playfully can quickly end with someone’s feelings hurt.
25. Create a Secret Code or Phrase: OK, I know this sounds childlike, but just like a good pillow fight, creating a secret phrase is fun, lighthearted, and can be very flirtatious. For example, whenever we know we’re getting ready to make love, we say, “I think it’s time to change the sheets.” Of course, by now, all the kids know what we mean, so it’s no longer secretive but equally playful.
In Conclusion on How to Flirt With Your Husband and the 25 Forgotten Ways
These 25 forgotten ways on how to flirt with your husband are simply ideas to get your creative juices flowing, so you can have some fun tricks up your sleeve. It’s essential to be intentional about flirting with your spouse long after the vows are said. After being married for 27 years, I know firsthand how so many things can potentially get in the way of your intimacy and the flirtatious side of your marriage. So have fun with it, and let me know how it goes!
P.S.
In this post, we discussed how to flirt with your husband and the 25 forgotten ways. As you begin implementing some of these fun ways to banter and highlight the playful side of your marriage, I want to bring attention to the most crucial thing about flirting with your husband. I wish someone would have brought this all together for me 15 years ago. But, just like praying to God changes YOU, not necessarily God’s plans: flirting changes YOUR HEART for your husband, not necessarily your husband. It’s similar to writing a love letter to your husband; yes, it means so much to them, but you’re changing and growing your affection and fondness towards him throughout the process.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep repeating it: The key to long-term marriage is choosing to fall in love with who they are today, and flirting is one of the most potent ways to do that!
I am a coach, writer, and speaker.